Ending Relationship, Depression, and Overeating

by Oksa
(Den Haag, Netherlands)

I am in a very complicated situation. My only friend and the one I loved with all my heart took a step back and is keeping silent.

I am fully independent from him in work, in money, and in living. I thought he loved me genuinly. I feel incomplete inside.

I can feel that my depression is coming back and I am losing hope this time.

I started to overeat. And now I can't stop eating. I always feel hungry and dont know what to do.


ANSWER

Oska,

Thank you for having the courage to reach out for help.

The first thing that you need to remember is that you always have a choice. No matter what happens in our lives; we can choose what we do with it.

Do you want to be happy? (I am assuming the answer is yes)

You must choose it. Being happy is a choice; it is something that you can learn how to do.

You can choose to dwell on what is happening; going over it again and again in your mind.
But ruminating over a problem like that will bring on depression quite quickly. The problem is that doing this is human nature. We like to dwell on the problems that we have no control over. The best choice is to look at the problems in your life that you do have control over.

It is okay to be sad. It would be abnormal if you weren't sad.

Here is what I suggest:

#1 Express your emotions

The best way I know to express emotions is through writing. I used a journal for this. All you really need is a pen and paper. Write down what happened; how it is making you feel and release it.

I used this a lot when I felt "hungry" and knew I wasn't. After I would express my emotions my desire to overeat started to dissapate.


#2 Find some support

I know you expressed that you don't have anyone to turn to. Asking for help here was a good first step. But don't stop there. Look around in your life and find a person that you can confide in. If you feel that you cannot trust anyone; you might consider seeking out a counselor. Or you can keep in contact with me and I will help in any way that I can.

#3 Choose to be Happy

Happiness is a choice. It is not something that happens magically.

The best way I know to do this is to take control of the choices that you do have. You cannot control your partners decision to end your realationship; or anyone else's choices.

But you do have control of your choices and how you take care of yourself.

Take the time to:
a-write in your journal
b-eat foods that support you
c-excerise: do something that you enjoy
d-do activities that support you in being happy in the long term

All my Best,

Stefanie