Failure

by Barbara
(Melbourne,Vic. Australia)

As I sit here to type this message, I am in pain from yet another daily binge.

I am a 42 year old mother (3 children) and work full time as an integration aide. I am a qualified and experienced secondary teacher but gave this up due to depression and high anxiety. I constantly beat myself up about this and binge every day when I return home from school.

I have had at least 30 different jobs in my lifetime. I have been on and off diets since I was 12 years old - every day I struggle to control my eating. My mind is constantly on what
I eat and my appearance.

I'm not obese but every week my clothes seem to be getting tighter and tighter. If I get much bigger though I may do something drastic. My husband says he loves me just the way I am but he can't handle my complaints any longer.

I feel that I am a horrible role model for my children, especially my 12 year old daughter.
As a christian I have no excuse for being depressed and self loathing.

Will I ever end this roller coaster of failure?

Barb


ANSWER


I hear in your words that you really don't care about yourself; as a matter of fact it sounds like you hate who you have become.

Let me pose a question to you....

Is a new born baby of value?

Yes, I would say that a new born baby is priceless. And once upon a time; you were at that stage of life.

Now; what makes you believe that you are no longer valuable? How are are any less valuable or worthy of happiness than a newborn child?

I believe that every human being is of GREAT value; whether we are embracing and living it or not.

I also believe that each person here on earth has the capacity to find happiness and joy each day. Whatever beliefs or experiences that have led you to where you are right now are faulty. It's time to let go of them; and to begin living your life.

You are of GREAT worth; you are just not believing or allowing it. You've covered it up for whatever reason. Maybe you are afraid that you don't have what it takes and that you'll fail. But right now... by having an attitude of self-loathing... you are failing. You are failing to be happy.

I don't know all the details of your situation; but I do know that you deserve to be happy. I do know that you are a priceless being with capabilities beyond what you believe are possible.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to begin to LOVE yourself. And to allow yourself the space and chance to make the changes you need.

You can end this roller coaster. The good news is that you've have the 'stop' button in your hand the whole time. You just forgot it was there. You forgot that you don't have to continue to play the victim role. You can make the choices in your that put you in the driver's seat.

Don't feel guilty about the past; use it as a learning tool. This process will take time. Binge eating is just like any other habit; it can be replaced by something healthier. You just have to condition, or practice, what you want to do instead of binge eating.

Here a few good places to start:

• Free E-Course


• Journal Writing


• Depression & Overeating


• Positive Thinking

All my Best,

Stefanie