I'm not sure what to do

by Dani P
(United Kingdom)

Last year I was rather large(fat) and over weight, then I started a life change and decided to become healthier a shift some of the weight. The first few months were hard but the weight began to come off, it was great. Then I started exercising a lot and restricted my calorie intake. Looking at it I believe I developed an eating disorder, I couldn't bring myself to eat anything other than what I was 'allowed' and the correct portion size. I lost a lot of weight. I am 5'9 and got down to 7 stone, fitting into age 10 clothes.

However recently I tried a square of chocolate and my life came crashing down. I was stood there and all these thoughts and feelings came over me, all these different ideas kept popping into my head and I raided the cupboards and fridge. I ate anything I could get my hands on, my stomach bloated, broke out into sweats and I couldn't breath. You could of mistaken me for being 5 months pregnant. Although I was in so much pain I wouldn't stop, I just kept going and going.

This would occur only around once a week but then it started becoming two/ three times a week only lasting until I became slightly bloated, but now it has become worse. This has been happening a lot recently and the binges are getting worse and lasting throughout the day and happening daily. I've started ordering domions, eating mc donalds, baking and eating cakes and chocolate straight after each other for hours on end. Even though I'm in so much pain I can't stop!I can't control myself. I even go out of the way to walk to the corner shop, buy lots of treats and hide them in my room. I know it's bad and I want to get my life back on track, I try every day and I seem to crash and burn by lunch time and it spirals out of control. I just want to feel good and normal again.

If you have any ideas or suggestions, please help me.I don't know if it is a binge eating disorder or just greed but the pain I'm feeling right now emotionally and physically isn't nice. I was debating to speak to my doctor although I want to go into psychology for
my future job and I don't think it would be good on my record.

Many thanks.


ANSWER


I admire your honesty and courage to ask for some support.

Diets can be the trigger or 'catapult' into eating disorders. A highly restrictive diet may be followed by uncontrollable binging and disordered eating. Usually cycling back again into a restrictive diet to 'fix' the binge.

The ONLY way to break the cycle is STOP dieting.
And START the process of learning how to LOVE YOU.

It may feel very scary to let go of dieting.

Start by shifting your focus to eating healthy whole foods instead of restricting and allow yourself a treat every so often. Maybe a few times per week (its best to have this treat with others, it minimized the chances of it turning into a binge)

And begin using a journal. Take time to reflect and allow yourself to feel whatever you feel. Don't judge or be harsh with yourself.

I don't think that seeing a doctor or counselor would tarnish your 'record' in any way. If anything it may be a good catalyst to find the balance you want in your life and be a more productive counselor yourself.

Keep in mind that the binges won't stop until the underling issues are dealt with. Don't run from them... face your fears; be brave and you'll find that you are more powerful than you realize.

All my Best,

Stefanie